Abnormal wishes

It started out as a good day. It felt as if I could take on the world, that nothing could affect me and I could withstand the emotional turmoil. To an extent, the day did seem promising too. But as night fell, it cast its shadow on my emotions as well.

I wish, I was strong willed, confident and optimistic. I wish, I could control my mind and cultivate a positive aura around me. I wish, I could stop my emotions acting like a pendulum and not lurch me in abyss of darkness. And, I wish I wasn’t such a naivete straight-talker, who believed in things on their face-value, either.

Each night, I am gripped with fear, fear of being surrounded by the darkness. There is no escaping the questions and doubts that constantly nag me. My mind is tired of playing out situations, of recalling the happy times and the unhappy ones as well. 

I am struggling to keep faith too. There should be a guidebook on this. A key to pull out of this maize of misery. After all, haven’t most of us gone felt it too at some point? I wish…I wish, for things to become normal.  

Cracked hope and optimism

The pain was excruciating that evening after you called. In a matter of seconds, I felt I had lost everything; without even taking any risk. Trust was the target and your words hit the bull's eye; it was shattered in several pieces. Anger, sadness, anguish, restlessness, tears, and, finally, emptiness kept me company that night. I was grateful to be alone and yet, I kept calling my parents, to hear their unsuccessful attempts at comforting me. Dawn came but my eyes couldn't stop the tears, I had just experienced my heart break for the very first time. The dark shades that you bought me, was my sole camouflage in appearing normal to the outsiders.

Photo source: examiner.com

Leaving was/is an appealing option, if not for anything else than to punish you. But the thought of not seeing or touching you is unbearable. Why? How? - are the constant questions that plague my mind. But things have progressed; perhaps not entirely the way we wanted. Days have appeared to sooth the raw emotions.

Now, I want to gather those broken pieces and fix them together, with you. I am still uncertain where we stand. How do we go about mending, nee recreating the past glory, when will the cracked pieces melt into a seamless whole. But I am willing to meet you half way. Won't you?